The Little Things.

Every day I am in awe of all the little things you do for me. You don’t necessarily tie them up with a pretty shiny red satin bow, but when your tenderness reaches my heart it feels as though you had and I am in awe of your never ending desire to continuously give.

It’s all the little things that make me fall more in love with you every single day. Things that may go unnoticed by one whom isn’t paying attention. No fanfare. No ticker-tape parade. Just a man, in love with a woman, letting her know in his own little ways every day how his heart beats for her.

The little things you do:
• Angel. Just a word in the dictionary:
  an⋅gel [eyn-juhl]
  –noun
  a person having qualities generally attributed to an angel, as beauty, purity, or kindliness.

  You have no idea the power it has when you call me your angel. A small gesture. Just a word, true, but one that encompasses everything.

• Your hand on my lower back as your stand just behind me. Protective. Possessive. Positive.
• Your gentle kisses on my forehead, absent minded I am sure, yet to me, mean the world.
• Foot Rubs from heaven! You take the stresses, the strains, the anxiety from the work day right out of me when you take me aside and give me that random foot rub.
• When my hand is in your hand, the way that you rub your thumb across the top of my hand/fingers. Or if your hand is resting gently on my thigh, how your thumb rubs back and forth on the surface of my leg. Soft, gentle, and full of love.
• Coming home to the house clean and the dishes done. Eases my soul like you don’t even know.
• The way you help with dinner. A partnership in the kitchen. Awesome.
• Your patience for my breaks. My broken-ness. Your strength gives me strength. I feel worthy when I am with you.
• You go out of your way to do things that will make my heart sing. Bloomfield. Shelton’s. Herb gardens. Believing in me.
• You believed in me enough to introduce me to your best friends/family. You brought me into your inner circle. You trusted me.
• You love my children.
• Soft kisses on my hand/fingers as you hold me protectively.
• Wrapping me up in your arms in the middle of the night. Holding me while I cry, shake and shiver in fear due to the night terrors. You do not yell at me to shut up. You protect me. You wake me. You hold me close to your body to reassure me that I am safe. You take the time to care and show the patience that PTSS needs.
• You take care of me when I am too busy taking care of everybody else to do it.
• You make me feel important.
• A gift in every drawer. Need I say more?
• Breakfast cooked for me before work.
• Flowers for no reason but you love me.
• Standing up for me in front of strangers/family/my children. Having my back in any given situation brings huge heart smiles. Knowing that I can count on you in those types of arenas is incredible to me.
• The twinkle in your eye when you smile at me and your heart is achingly full of love, desire, compassion and passion. The dimples on your cheeks grow deep when you smile at me, beaming from ear to ear with a full heart, a satiated soul and a deep sense of happiness that cannot be denied. Even the furthest stranger can see how content you are when your eyes meet mine and you have my hand in yours.
• Patience. Like that of a rock. Of a Pulitzer Prize winner. Constantly teaching of those things around me I crave to know; the things that life has already shown you, has already allowed you to absorb. And yet, you nary grow weary of my constant wonderment with all that you find mundane and boring. Your eyes nearly hold as much wonderment as do mine when you view things through mine. And for that it takes patience and understanding. Given to me freely. Beyond anything I could have ever hoped for before, since, or after.

These are really just a few things, off of the top of my head things, that I could throw together in to a list to let you know, mi corazone, how much you mean to me. How much each and every little thing affects me, my mood, my life, my stance, and my position next to you in this life we lead. I don’t think you truly understand the depth of it all, but maybe someday you will see. I see everything. I ache for everything you will graciously give to me. I am your angel and I crave every little morsel you send my direction. The list will grow, as will our love, and with each new moment of tenderness, I shall ingrain these precious little moments in my brain forever.

Te amo, mi amor. Mucho. Eres el aire que respiramos.

Obsession

Dear Corazone,

Looking at the strength and intensity of the love that I have for you, it is easily seen how one could confuse it with obsession. 20 years of love and adoration suddenly coming to a head face to face would sort of take on obsession like qualities to the naked eye, I suppose.

Trust me, mi amor, it is so much deeper and more substantial than obsession. I have my once in a lifetime. My one shot at that fairytale love, the kind that I never believe existed. My heart is bursting with so much emotion on any given day it’s hard to not run around with a mile wide grin, a squeal slipping through pursed lips and a genuine skip when I walk. Remaining grounded and solid is the most difficult thing I have ever done.

You have become physically a part of me. Being separated from you causes physical ache within my body. Being 5 minutes without your touch is awkward. The prospect of losing you again and facing another lifetime without you terrifies me like a child in a thunderstorm. There is weather all around us. My biggest threat is the instance of technology. The computer and how it can bring people into a world they believe is real, when they are no where near each other, and pull them from the very lives they have claimed to love and never want to leave.

“She makes me feel special.” “She really listens to what I have to say.” “She is there for me at any time when I need to talk to someone.”

A million times a day. I fear those words. I fear that scenario. I long to be able to be with you to hear your stresses, fill your needs, listen to you whenever you need. Alas, I am forced to leave your side, unlike that friend on the other side of the computer screen. I am drug to face the workforce every single day, making it so that I cannot be there for you as I should be. Causing me to abandon you, my corazone, possibly during times of high need. And yet, I cannot do a single thing about it.

I know that we are meant for each other. It’s a constant worry to me, that I can be enough for you. That I can give to you everything you might seek, all the things you need, leaving you satisfied and content every day. It is my prayer that I can provide for you the kind of haven within a relationship that offers all the sustenance, all the nourishment and all of the security that your heart could ever seek to desire.

As you do this for me. It is only proper that I should return it to you tenfold.

‘Tis not obsession, mi amor, but a great and epic love that is made to last through all the ages.

Epic Fail…

You think I lie to you.

You said you don’t believe in me any longer.

You’re the only one who ever did.

Now what?

I feel so lost.

I just don’t know what to do with that….

You’re All I Need

You’re all I need beside me girl
You’re all I need to turn my world
You’re all I want inside my heart
You’re all I need when we’re apart
You’re all that I need

Every time I look at you, I love you deeper than the moment before.

Every time my eyes meet your tender gaze I loose my breath. I am in total awe of your love and how it envelopes my every fiber.

Every time you walk into the room, I am filled with a sense of purpose. My soul gets satiated when I am next to you. You heal me.

I recall telling you that I was broken.  I remember how you put me at ease, as only you can do.

Your voice soothes me. Your presence calms me.

You truly are all that I need.

I realize how blessed I am, how lucky we are to have found each other again. A second chance at a once in a lifetime love is more than any person usually ever gets. This miracle we find ourselves enveloped within. Eventually, I pray, my insecurities will evaporate and I will feel deserving of the love that you wash over me.

With you is where I belong. I am finally home.

Coming Into Our Own

Never in my life have I loved. I know this now. Never has there been a time that I have given of myself completely, until you.

I love my children completely, but that isn’t the same as your partner. It’s an entirely different kind of selflessness that doesn’t even compare.

Over the weeks I have morphed, inside. I have watched you, felt the way you love me, seen the way your actions follow your words and have come to rest in this odd place of faith and serenity. I feel confident and calm, and I’m so not used to that.

I’m not complaining mind you. Just in awe.

Every time I think I couldn’t learn any more from you, you teach me still. Each time I feel that my love for you couldn’t possibly get any deeper or stronger, I am caught off guard by the power in which my love for you grows. The only difference between now and the past few months is that I have found a place of security in our love that I hadn’t known before. There is no fear today, as there had been in all of my yesterdays. I am becoming comfortable in your love, finding my place in your heart and realizing that it’s not a fair weather thing. That you are really here to stay, through the storms and the bliss.

I had no idea that love could be like this.

Pushing 40, I know for the first time what true friendship, true love is. It’s sad to me on one level. Yet, befitting on all others. That it would be you who would show me these things I have longed for my entire life. That it’s always been you, and that makes sense to me now. Life makes sense to me now that I am with you.

I love the way you love me. I love the way being so deeply in love with you feels. I love how there are times that I look at you and I lose my breath as the reality of being with you hits me; I am really here, with you. I love your laughter, your sweet breathless “good mornings”. I love the way your skin feels against mine. I love being held close to your chest, hearing your heartbeat and feeling secure within your arms. I love how you call me angel. I love the time we spend taking pictures, talking as friends, co-parenting, sharing ideas and planning our life.

We are slipping comfortably into our new life together, and it fits just right. There isn’t anything that could be more right for me than this life I’ve chosen with you.